dear diary
so while looking for some pics from Thailand tonight i found a folder titled “thai diary”. i had completely forgotten that i’d written it. i remembered keeping a hand written journal of everything i did everyday in a small notebook, that was more like a list, since i hardly had any time for things like that, and i never get too detailed when handwriting things (typing is just so much faster). so i think that’s why on these few occasions when i wanted to share a bit more, or jot down some info for my own memories sake, i pulled out my laptop. it was actually really fun to read through since i honestly didn’t remember what i’d written. it hasn’t been that long, i know, you’d think i’d remember something like that. but in a way it feels like a million years ago. or like it never even happened, like i was never there, like a story i read in a book. i thoroughly loved every second of that trip. i would love to find a way to spend my life doing things just like that, volunteering and traveling all over the world.
i can’t share everything from my diaries but i’ll pick out a few chunks for you to read if you’re interested. if some paragraphs seems strange, it’s probably cause i’ve cut some personal things out. here goes…
So today is Tuesday July 14, 2009. It’s 11:00 pm in Thailand.
Today has been interesting. But mostly good. I just showered and feel fantastic, at the moment it’s not even hot in my room, which is rare. After work, around 5 I rode my bike w/ laptop in bag to the big C house. I had dinner with Hailey and Fatima. We had rice w/ chicken from the noodle cart next to the 7-11. Then we walked back to the house and hung out. I tried to get online. But no luck uploading pics, will have to do that sometime tomorrow maybe, when ever I get to a better connection.
so far, I feel great and free and amazing. I love being here and doing this, and in a way, it’s so easy and so great that I feel like I’m cheating, like it’s too easy, or I shouldn’t be having this much fun. Like It’s not hard enough, it’s not enough work.
The kids are amazing. I love them. I would take Boi home if I could, though I’m sure she has a family that just adores her. She has been following me around and sitting in my lap since I arrived, even when all of the other kids were a bit scared of me. Sugar (my translator and starfish staff who is joining me for Temple kids this week) said that they were afraid of the foreigner (me) when I first met them.
There are more than 60 kids at the school. And they are so well behaved it’s unbelievable. Today we did some singing with them, they sat in a circle and did some introduction type song, and we clapped, the teachers (there are 4) played 2 drums and a tambourine. They separated the kids into two groups in different rooms and read them a story (the story in my room was Harry the dirty dog – in Thai) they also did some follow the dots thing (practicing drawing a diagonal line) and they made necklaces with shoestrings and plastic spools (similar to thread spools) then we gave them clay, that was fun but the language barrier was tough, the kids kept requesting things of me and I couldn’t understand them, I wished so badly that I could understand them or help them, I want to teach them, and that makes it very hard.
They are absolutely beautiful. I was studying Boi’s face while she was sleeping, she is so beautiful and so fascinated with me, and I have to admit, I’m almost just as fascinated with her. After play they had lunch then slept on their blankets. One of the teachers and sugar and I lay with some of them stroking their hair or their backs to try to help them sleep. We left for lunch (with john and Fatima, we all had noodle soup), then when we got back I laid next to Boi. As I studied her face I thought, “I wonder if I could raise her”, like if she didn’t have a family, and I if I could adopt her, “could I raise her? what would I have to do?” I totally would. I would love her just as much as any child of my own.
Watching these teachers, even though I can’t understand them, has definitely been a learning experience.
So around 10 tonight I rode my bike home and on my way home I was feeling really great and free and strong and proud of myself for what I’m doing and just where I was on my bike, listening to my ipod and riding through the streets in Thailand. I’m loving having some time alone. Will I ever find a balance to this?? significant other / alone time). i’m sad that I’m almost ½ way done with this trip, I should’ve planned for two months.
Ok.. I’m pooped. Time for bed. Night.
Today is Friday august 1st, 2009. It’s about 8 am in Thailand.
I woke up about a half hour ago and can’t get to sleep. I’m just lying in bed listening to the rain come down. I love the sound. It’s actually been raining since I woke up yesterday, seems strange for it to rain for such a long time without stopping, today is my last day in Surin. Carly and I are taking the 4:30 train to Bangkok this afternoon.
This entire trip feels very right. I’m so glad I did this. My only regret is that I didn’t plan to stay longer.
Yesterday was a hard day. i had to leave the school for the last time. It was hard saying goodbye to the kids. Especially since I know I will probably never see them again. Leaving Boi was especially hard because i know i will most likely never see her or have any way to keep in touch with her.
Recently I have learned more about her family situation. Her father is dead, her mother has HIV and she has 3 older siblings (a sister who is 10 and at least one brother in his teens, not sure about the other brother, he may be younger or also in his teens). Anyway, they are very poor, her mother works as a maid at a hotel and she also receives money from the state every month, 500 baht. The teacher at school said that Boi’s mother will probably die soon, and when I asked who will take care of the children when that happens, she said she didn’t know, that she doesn’t think that have any other relatives.
This all was very hard to hear (especially only 2 days before I am leaving). I would absolutely love to adopt Boi. I would love to show her other places in the world, and LA. I would love to teacher her and watch her grow and take care of her. To be her mother and love her with all of my heart. She is such a wonderful child. So full of life and energy and spunk. She is so happy and genuinely very funny, such a wonderful sense of humor and just gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous, her spirit just oozes out of her pores from within. If I could adopt her, I would do whatever it would take. But with the language barrier it’s really hard to have a serious conversation about it with the teacher or anyone. And then I wonder if I’m just being selfish, or if it would even be good to take her away, I have to wonder how that would scar her to be taken from her family, her mother and her siblings. And how that would make her family feel. Would they be happy for her, and want what was best for her future or would they just be heartbroken? It’s so hard to know, I just wish I had more time to figure this all out. To maybe meet her family, see her home and talk more with them or the teachers about it. Realistically I know it would take some time to take care of all of the necessary legal documents to officially adopt her to take her into the U.S. and that’s just time I don’t have. That makes it so sad to leave.
When it was time for me to leave yesterday, the teachers and apple told her I had to go and she knew it was my last day. She walked to the edge of the steps on the porch and just sat there looking down. She wouldn’t look up or say anything. She wouldn’t even acknowledge carly, apple or i. she was obviously very sad and it was totally heartbreaking.
I bought some things for her and apple was planning to take me by the school this morning so I could drop them off but it’s still raining so I don’t think that is going to happen,. I know john will be coming by at some point to clean, and I’m hoping maybe he can take me. Guess I’ll just wait and see. Suppose I should get up now and get dressed, just incase she does come by. Also.. I have lots of packing to do.
I can’t believe I’m already leaving Surin. I felt like I just got here. What an amazing place this is and experience this has been. I am so sad to go. I wonder how long this will haunt me.
